In Dealing with People Who Do Not Like You
You want to be liked by most people. It is part of human nature to want to be liked or part of a larger group. Why? Because being liked or being part of the larger group ensures your hierarchical needs. Psychologist Abraham Maslow illustrates the hierarchy in five levels:
- Self-actualization
- Esteem needs
- Belonging and love needs
- Safety needs
- Physiological needs
Regrettably, some people will not like you. While most of those relationships are benign, some will be difficult to navigate. The relationships that become difficult to navigate are:
- A boss
- A parent
- A sibling
- A significant other
- A friend
In many instances, "them" not liking you is "a them" problem and not "a you" problem.
The author Ryan Holiday writes, "For this reason, the Stoic does two things when encountering hatred or ill opinion in others. They ask: Is this opinion inside my control? If there is a chance for influence or change, they take it. But if there isn't, they accept this person as they are (and never hate a hater)."
Understanding if the opinion is in your control allows you to take corrective action. If the opinion is out of your control, then the best you can do is limit engagements with that person.
You don't have time to consider what other people think of you -- especially if their opinion is out of your control. Philosopher Seneca, the Younger, penned, "It is not that we have a short time to live, but that we waste a lot of it. "
You want to be liked by most people, which is part of your hierarchical needs but do not waste your time on opinions that are outside your control.